


I am You are Me

by Seigetsu_Ren



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Just Hikawa siblings trying to be siblings again, not a romantic fic, poor Misaki makes cameo appearance while pondering if Kokoro is an alien, rest of Roselia and PasuPare are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 23:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16862218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seigetsu_Ren/pseuds/Seigetsu_Ren
Summary: Hina wants to pretend to be Sayo for a day. Sayo can't exactly say no when Hina gives her the puppy eyes.





	I am You are Me

"Look, look, Oneechan!"

Sayo did not like to be disturbed when she was doing homework, especially when it was by a certain genius sister of hers who never seemed to have any work to take home, finishing it all during lunch break or something.

But it had been barely a month since that rainy day when Sayo made up with her sister, so she forced down the urge to shout and instead heaved a sigh before grumbling.

"What?"

Sayo turned to see Hina grinning while making a victory sign with her right hand. Sayo didn't share the enthusiasm though. That wig. That wig Hina was wearing was really, really annoying her.

"Take it off."

"Eh? But why? It makes me look like Oneechan and that's really rururun~"

That's the problem.

"Why do you have that anyway? You did not buy it just to look like me."

Hina pouted. "Well, no. It's from that drama I'm shooting and the character I'm playing has long hair so they gave me this wig."

Sayo sighed again. At least Hina wasn't doing this intentionally.

"Then wear it on set, not at home."

"But with this we can play pranks on people like we used to!"

They were twins after all, but Sayo would rather forget the times when she did something so stupid as pretending to be Hina.

"I have no plans to pretend to be you. Besides, I don't have a wig."

"No worries! I bought one already! Tehehe, aren't I just amazing?"

"So you did buy one!?"

The revelation that Hina had planned this from the very start made Sayo clench her teeth so hard she feared for the health of her enamel.

"But…but…playing like we used to is really rururun…"

"Is not."

"And I think Oneechan's hairstyle is really ruun~ too. Maybe I should try growing out my hair too."

"NO!"

Hina looked dejected by Sayo's rejection. She kept staring her with puppy eyes, and if Hikawa Sayo were to have one soft spot in her heart, it'd be for puppies.

Sayo made a third sigh within the past minute.

"Fine. Just one day."

"…one day?"

"We can pretend to be each other for one day. Only one day. And you will never make another mention of something so ridiculous as growing out your hair to look like me. Those are the conditions. Take it or leave it."

"Yes! Yes! Oneechan is the best!"

* * *

 

Sayo struggled with the Haneoka uniform tie. She stared at the mirror and frowned, untying the tie to try again.

"Eh? Why did Oneechan take it off? It was fine the way before."

"It was _crooked_ ," Sayo answered as though that was a criminal offense.

"Only a bit…"

"I have no tolerance for slovenly appearances." She turned to interject Hina, only to catch sight of her own uniform lying sloppily on Hina's frame. "What is this!?"

"This?" Hina pointed at herself, clearly not understanding Sayo's point.

"You will not be pretending to be me while dressed like a delinquent."

Sayo aborted her attempt at Haneoka's tie to meddle over Hina. She retied the ribbon, shifted the Hanajo dress so it sat perfectly on Hina's shoulder and removed any remaining dust from the uniform with a piece of masking tape. Still not good enough. She ran a brush through Hina's wig and made sure the stray strands were tucked behind her ear.

She stood back to look at her handiwork and cringed. Hina looked so much like the usual Hikawa Sayo now that it was irritating.

"Ah! I have transformed into Oneechan! That's so rururun~"

"Whatever you say. Now eat your breakfast and get to school. I do not want my perfect attendance record to suffer because you were late."

"But I still have to help Oneechan transform too!"

"Wait…no…I can do this myself…"

Hina ran her fingers through Sayo's wig so that the hair puffed up like a dog that had been rolling around too much on the carpet. The two short braids hanging on her neck's either side were about to come off. Hina retied the uniform tie and made it even more crooked than before.

"Done!"

Sayo looked herself in the mirror. She couldn't exactly believe what she was seeing.

"I refuse to look like this."

"But Oneechan promised to pretend to be me today…"

"I refuse for my sister to look like this! I cannot believe Mother has been letting you walk out the front door like this each morning."

Hina secretly thanked the cosmos that Sayo usually left the house much, much earlier than she did, and thus never had the chance to critique her appearance.

In the end, Sayo conceded. They did not have time to argue any further, and after all, this was just for the day. Ugh…she took it back. She would have to do this for _a whole day_ , and it was only 7 am. How was she to last another seventeen hours? She had no idea.

* * *

 

Lisa didn't know exactly what was wrong with Hina today, but she was sure _something_ was off.

"Hey, Yukina…" she whispered to her childhood friend who she had forcefully towed along on their way to school.

"What?"

"Shhhh…"

Yukina frowned, but lowered her voice a little, "What?"

"You think Hina is a little weird today?"

"Is she?"

"Don't you think she is being a little too…quiet?"

Sure enough, aside from that really awkward greeting when they first ran into each other on the way to school, Hina had yet to speak a word. Not that Yukina would notice.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"It is not!"

Lisa's little outburst seemed to have caught Hina's attention, but much to Lisa's surprise, Hina didn't say anything about it. When Lisa gave a strange little chuckle in response, Hina just turned around and kept walking.

"You are the one who asked me to keep it down, Lisa," Yukina stated matter-of-factly.

"I know, I know. My bad. But like…I'm worried about Hina, you know?"

"Why?"

"Maybe she's sick or something."

"Then why don't you just ask her?"

"Eh? But…it could be something embarrassing like it's that time of the month for her…or something like that…"

"Right…"

Yukina clearly didn't share Lisa's sentiment. If she had been in a less pleasant mood, she might've just told Lisa to mind her own business.

They finally came to the school gates, hardly speaking the entire way. On the second floor hallway, Lisa and Hina parted with Yukina for their classroom.

"See you later, Yukina."

"Later, Mi… _ahem_ Yu-Yukina…chan."

Even Yukina paused at Hina's stutter. What was this sense of deja-vu? And why was Hikawa Hina, of all people, blushing?

"Ah…later."

* * *

 

No matter how many times she had witnessed it, Misaki still couldn't help but freak out whenever she saw the humanoid object that was Kokoro vault over the school gate. And since it was Hikawa-senpai's turn to do the uniform inspections, she just knew a ruckus was about to erupt.

Except it wasn't the kind of ruckus she had expected.

"Tsurumaki-san, that was a beautiful backflip."

Misaki blinked.

"Isn't that right? You want to learn how to do it too, Sayo?"

No, no, no. Rule number one at Hanajo, a lowly first-year do not just go up and call the Disciplinary Committee's Hikawa-senpai by first name without honorifics. I mean, the girl would use polite speech with a cat. Then again, the number one rule of the world is "cash wins", and they all knew the Tsurumakis had so much of it they could use Fukuzawa Yukichi to pave their ginormous garden.

Thankfully, a certain Shirasagi-senpai came to their rescue. Who knew what she whispered in Hikawa-senpai's ear, but right after, Hikawa-senpai cleared her throat and trained her eyes on Kokoro again.

"I appreciate the offer, Tsurumaki-san, but for your safety and mine I must decline. Please do not do that again."

Kokoro pouted before heading to her classroom. Misaki sighed. Crisis averted.

But somehow, the strangeness of everything that unfolded gave her a cold shiver.

* * *

 

Lisa made a long sigh. Yukina gave her a cold gaze.

"If you are going to look like you haven't slept a week, then don't come to practice. Roselia doesn't need members who cannot perform."

"I'm fine. Thanks for your concern."

Yukina felt her face heat up. "I…wasn't concerned…"

Lisa kept walking along Yukina's thunderous pace towards the studio after school. Yukina eyed her suspiciously. "Don't tell me you failed a test."

"Of course not! And I don't want Yukina, of all people, to worry over my test scores."

"I pass every subject." _Just barely_. But that was enough for Yukina to sound indignant.

Lisa ignored it and heaved another sigh. "I just had a looooooooong day."

"Haa…"

Lisa took Yukina's noncommittal grunt to mean that she was curious enough to keep listening, so Lisa continued. "It's Hina."

"Again?"

"You aren't in our class, so you wouldn't know just how weird she has been."

Yukina narrowed her gaze. "I do find her a bit out-of-the-ordinary today, but your reaction is over-the-top."

"No. I swear. She actually didn't fall asleep in class today!"

"So?"

"She took notes."

"And that is supposed to be bad?"

"And when Tsugumi came by the Astronomy Club room at lunch to tell Hina to clean up her mess after a complaint was filed to the student council, Hina not only cleaned up the mess, but helped Tsugumi put up posters for the upcoming student event."

Yukina was speechless. Aside from Seta Kaoru and Aoba Moca, there were few at Haneoka who could rival Hikawa Hina's absurdity after all.

"Maybe…she converted to a religion and had a change of heart…?" Even Yukina herself thought the reason to be ridiculous. She tried to change the line of thought. "At least the changes sound positive to me?"

"We had a pop quiz in math today and she did ace it as usual, so I am not as concerned? I guess rather than fearing for her health, I'm a little worried I'm going crazy."

Yukina seemed to take some sympathy at last and gave a little nod. "I am sure it is all temporary."

* * *

 

When Lisa and Yukina arrived at the studio, they found Rinko and Sayo already there. But for whatever the reason it was, Sayo was not practicing on her own guitar, but rather playing on not one, not two, but three keyboards. Yukina couldn't quite make sense of exactly what was going on with those keyboards, but she did a double-take at the skillful performance. Rinko, though, didn't seem so comfortable with the idea.

"Sayo-san, are you planning on taking over Rinrin's job!?" Ako burst out when she arrived. Only then did Sayo stop.

"Ah, Ako…I mean, Udagawa-san! Would you teach me how to play the drums too?"

Ako's jaws dropped.

_Ahem_

Finally returning to her senses, Yukina cleared her throat to get everyone's attention.

"We will be starting practice now. Sayo, if you have that much time to be learning other instruments, I expect that the performance on your own part has been mastered?"

"Of course!"

Wasn't that reply a little too cheerful? Lisa couldn't seem to recall Sayo ever doing that, even when agreeing to a trip to a puppy-themed amusement park. Yukina didn't say anything. Just went over to set up her mic. Lisa had the feeling that was because even Yukina was stunned speechless.

They got started with _Black Shout_. Sayo played a solo intro that surprised everyone, but it sounded so cool that perhaps it might have been the reason why Yukina didn't interrupt her, instead following its lead to begin the song. Yukina's singing was confident and powerful as always, Ako's drums enthusiastic but racing maybe just a tad fast, making Rinko struggle with keeping up to the beat. Usually, Sayo's guitar would keep Ako in check at this point, but not today, as it sang with equal enthusiasm with little regard to the tempo. Lisa wanted to do something about this, but at the same time, the music swept her away and she just sort of ran with it, her fingers dancing more freely along the frets than she ever had. What was this feeling? What was this sound? At that point, it finally struck her what was going on.

" _Shout!_ "

The last sound of their instruments rang in unison. Lisa grinned, exchanging a glance with Yukina who also seemed to have caught on about the incidents today.

Yukina began her usual assessment. "I like the colour of the sound we made, but we need more precision. Ako, you were going too fast. Rinko, Lisa, you were trying to catch up to her, and as a result the transition in your notes are more muddled than usual. And Hina…"

"Eh? What are you talking about, Minato-san?"

Lisa rolled her eyes at Hina's feigned ignorance. "Come here and stand by me. Take off your shoes."

"Haa?"

"Just do it."

Hina pouted but did as she was told. Sure enough, she measured shorter than Lisa.

"Ah! Sayo-san is shorter than Lisa-nee! Is this the power of the Great Demon of Hell?"

"Ako-chan, it is just Hina-san."

"Then does that mean Sayo-san got spirited away? Do we need to call the police? Or…the Shinigami?"

Yukina ignored Ako's surprise and continued. "As I was saying, Hina, you were as much a culprit of the racing tempo as Ako was. Your chords were clean, but the timing of their transitions imprecise. You are not playing solo. Your sound has to integrate into and support the sound of the other members."

Hina blinked. It was not everyday that she would get criticized for her performance. But while others might feel dejected, she embraced the novel experience, running up to Yukina and grabbing her two hands in thanks.

"Yes! I understand! What else, what else? What other critique do you have for me?"

"Critique?" Yukina supposed Hina didn't mean a critique of her personality, for which Yukina could go on for days. For one, she'd prefer if Hina didn't suddenly latch onto her as though they were friends for decades. Even Lisa wouldn't do that (According to Yukina herself anyway. Everybody else in Roselia would argue otherwise). But she doubted Hina would heed that kind of critique, so she just sighed. "The guitar solo you improvised at the beginning of the song was impressive. I very much enjoyed it."

"Improvised?" Hina muttered, then dismissed the comment with a wave, "I played it because I've heard Oneechan practise it before."

"Sayo did?"

"Yup yup! She never played it in front of the band?"

"No, she didn't." Yukina made a rare smile as she replied, "Please tell her to do so at our next practice."

* * *

 

Practice continued until sundown. Lisa mused that she had not expected Yukina to let Hina practise with them the entire time, even unveiling to her their new song, _Determination Symphony_ , noting that Sayo had given inspiration for its lyrics. You could tell Hina was very impressed by the new song when she called it "super, duper, rururun!" Not many things garnered that sort of praise from Hina.

Yukina volunteered to pack up everything, and Lisa stayed with her. After cleaning up and making their next booking, they were once again walking on the path home. Lisa surveyed Yukina as they walked along. Though Yukina's face wore the usual neutral expression, Lisa could tell that she was in a rather decent mood. It brought a smile to Lisa.

"Weren't you being sort of nice today, Yukina?"

Yukina's pace slowed a little. "Nice?"

"You let Hina stay."

If Yukina were affected by Lisa's words, she didn't let it show.

"That was not being nice. That was just a means to an end."

"Oh?" Lisa was used to Yukina playing the tsundere, but she was rather interested in the excuse Yukina came up with this time. "What end?"

"The end for Roselia to reach the greatest heights of course."

"You think Hina would help us accomplish that?"

"Her sound is unique. It is genuine, straightforward, compelling the audience to follow her enthusiasm. It is a wonderful sound. While I do not think our sound loses to hers in any way, there is still something that we can learn from her and others from different bands. Only then can we refine ourselves to become the very best."

Lisa nodded, her smile growing wider. Indeed, Hina's sound was beautiful, and if not for her, how would they ever know about Sayo's secret little _Black Shout_ intro? She chuckled, garnering a strange look from Yukina.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. You're right, Yukina. It was a fun practice today."

"Fruitful. I do not care for fun."

"Whatever. Fruitful it is then."

Lisa kept laughing. She couldn't wait to tease Sayo about the intro thing tomorrow.

* * *

 

Luckily for Sayo, Lisa wasn't here at the PasuPare practice to witness this…

" _Shuwa Shuwa Dre-Drea~min, Yay_!"

Jump.

Sayo felt the mini skirt flip upwards as she made the little hop at the end of _Shuwarin Drea~min_ , a short mini skirt made even shorter because of her height in comparison to Hina's. Thank goodness for the guitar covering her front – she felt like hugging it like some sort of safety blanket. And was it just her, or was Shirasagi-san…smirking?

"I think that went really well, right?" Aya was the first to break the silence after this run-through of _Shuwarin Drea~min_. Maya gave pleased nods, while Eve launched into an enthusiastic rant comparing their performance to the spirit of samurais. For once, Sayo was content to not practise. If this nonsensical ruckus could continue another two hours, she would have successfully fulfilled her promise with Hina by just fading into the background. Alas, life was never so simple for Sayo.

"Aya-chan, it is dangerous to be so easily contented. For the sake of our fans, we must always aim high and higher," Chisato said. Upon Aya's puzzled glance, Chisato shifted her attention to Sayo. "Hina-chan, are you feeling fine today? You have been singing very softly."

Ugh.

What to say? What to do? How would Hina react? Ack! Even if Sayo knew exactly how Hina would react to such a comment, there was no way she could pretend to be that carefree and denser-than-lead sister of hers! After all, she wasn't Shirasagi Chisato. She was no actress!

"W-What are you talking about, Chisato-chan? It was just a fly!"

"A fly?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Sayo tried her best to be loud and obnoxious like Hina. At least she thought she sounded obnoxious enough. "It was flying in front of my face, so I shut my mouth. Wouldn't want to eat the fly – it's not ruun~"

"I see. That would be a problem, right?" Chisato smiled in understanding, although something about that smile unsettled Sayo. "How about we give the song one more go now that the fly is gone. Aya-chan, what do you think?"

"Sure! The song is always much livelier with Hina-chan's enthusiastic voice."

"Yes! Hina-san always sounds great!"

Way to put the pressure on her. Sayo was usually embarrassed enough to sing that one line in _Black Shout_ , let alone joining in on bubbly songs with cute, shiny lyrics like shuwa shuwa, fuwa fuwa, yura yura…If it turns out that Hina took any part in writing these…these…weird strings of syllables, she'd make her scrub the toilet for a week!

But whether Hina scrubbed the toilet or not was irrelevant to her present predicament. Either she threw away her disguise and let everyone know what an idiot she was to ever agree to Hina's ridiculous demand, or she stuck it up and pretended to enjoy everything. To be fair, PasuPare's songs were…fine. She never said she hated them per se (she would never admit to liking them so much that she could sing and play along near Hina's level if she could get over her nervousness). They just…didn't fit her. As the sound of Hina's guitar rang between her very own fingers, the uncomfortable feeling grew. Deep down, she knew that was because she was comparing the sound to Hina's. This sound, Sayo's sound, was not as good as Hina's. It was not as bright. Not as clean. Not as beautiful. And if Sayo threw away the excuse that this melody was simply not for her, then she'd be crushed by feelings of inferiority.

But even when Sayo was playing with Roselia, wouldn't she also compare herself to Hina? They should be akin apples and oranges, but Sayo still couldn't get over it. So, it really wasn't a matter of what they played, or even how they played…Sayo would always feel inadequate. She couldn't even pinpoint what was wrong with her own playing. Minato-san said her sound was precise and always guided her along the right path. She couldn't imagine Minato-san lying, and Minato-san had high expectations. And now that she was playing with PasuPare, nobody complained about her playing either. Nobody said her guitar sounded bad compared to Hina's usual. So, what was it? What was the nagging feeling that, somehow, her sound just wasn't…enough?

The chorus was sounding again. Chisato's eyes landed briefly on Sayo. In them, Sayo saw maybe a twinkle of mischief, but even more so "encouragement".

Maybe what wasn't enough was just Sayo's confidence.

She could do this.

" _Shuwa Shuwa, koori no daiya ni yurenagara sotto…_ "

She let herself be carried along by the melody. Sometimes, Sayo would express the same disdain as Yukina to music of the "big label" variety, of which idol music was one of them. They pandered to the thoughtless masses, singing of shallow cutesy love with an equally shallow musical arrangement. Honestly, their fans cared less about their skill and more about their looks. To Sayo, it was all nothing but a disgrace. But right here, right now, she saw something appealing in the simple tune, something genuine and pure. The song was catchy, and it brought her joy just to sing along, hearing her own voice join those of the other four members, then falling away to chant in the background while Aya took up the melody. Sayo usually lived up to her name, subdued as a veiled night, but that didn't mean she didn't yearn to be the warmth and brightness of the sun. She imagined herself standing on stage, floodlights upon her, glow sticks below waves of red, orange and gold instead of the usual cool colours of Roselia's standard. She was shining. Not something soft and unobtrusive like the moon. She was shining with such might that no one would dare take their eyes off her. Just for today, she was an idol. She was lifted upon this pedestal by others' dreams, and here, her voice, her guitar gave those dreams a form, a reality. The idea warmed her heart. It moved her.

The song expired quickly. Sweat poured down Sayo's back. There was nervousness. There was tiredness. Dancing and singing at the same time was surprisingly draining. But there was also a wholesome feeling too. She looked at the others and they stared back, everybody wearing the same dopey smiles.

"Even you have nothing to complain this time right, Chisato-chan?" Aya said.

Chisato closed her eyes briefly as though reliving the moment before opening them again, still wearing the contented smile. "I will never let my guard down, but if something is good, I'll admit it is good. And that was good, I agree."

"Should we go for the next song then?" Sayo spoke up. It was too late to regret now that everybody's eyes were on her.

But there was nothing to regret.

As impossible as it seemed, she was glad she was doing this today.

"Which song should we go over next, Hina-san?" Maya asked.

"SURVIVOR Never Give Up?"

Sayo would never let anyone know that this was one of her favourite songs, PasuPare's or otherwise.

* * *

 

"I'll take care of everything here. Feel free to go home without me!"

Maya volunteered to do the cleanup. Sayo felt bad and was about to insist on helping, but Chisato pulled her away gently and whispered, "Let's leave it to Maya-chan. She is rather specific about how to handle the equipment, so you could do more harm if you were to be involved, _Sayo_ -chan."

Sayo felt as though she had just been frozen solid by Chisato's revelation. She nodded stiffly and exited the studio with the others.

Chisato called a cab to go home. She gestured to Sayo. "Want to come along? I think we are going the same way."

"Umm…alright."

The ride started in silence. It wouldn't have been so bad if the others were present, but Sayo was now alone with Chisato, and somehow she felt as though the latter could see right through her. Sayo half wanted the silence to continue, but at the same time was a tad curious of when and how Chisato caught on to the game Hina and she had been playing. Finally, Chisato gave a little chuckle. "It actually wasn't you, Sayo-chan."

"What?"

"Your acting was better than I expected actually, especially after you loosened up during practice. Hina-chan was the one to give it away when she complimented Kokoro-chan's backflip this morning."

"She did what!?" Sayo's mouth was agape with a mix of shock and…was it offense? To be fair, Chisato would be offended too if Hina were pretending to be her while complimenting Kokoro's backflip. What kind of character did Hina think they were?

"Do not worry. I stopped her before it got too out-of-hand, so Sayo-chan's strict demeanour is still being upheld, I suppose…"

That was not very assuring, but what could Sayo do about it now?

She just sighed.

"She made me do this…"

Sayo didn't know what prompted her to grunt this response as though obligated to explain herself in front of Chisato. Chisato only gently nudged on for an explanation.

"I think anyone would've guessed this was Hina-chan's idea. But in the end, it was Sayo-chan who had decided to take part in the game, right?"

"It's…" Sayo was rendered speechless. She hadn't exactly anticipated Shirasagi-san to be this blunt. "I cannot rebuke when you say it like that."

"I don't suppose you did it to enjoy being a cutesy idol for the day, right? Or perhaps I am wrong?"

"Of course that isn't the reason!" Sayo objected immediately, but something about Chisato's gaze told her she wasn't being very convincing. She did enjoy the practice session with PasuPare and Chisato was very much aware – and amused - by it; this realization made Sayo's face heat up and all she could do was to look away.

"I…I used to do this with Hina often," she explained, trying to redirect the attention.

"Pretending to be each other?"

"Yes. It was when our relationship was…better."

"That relationship took a bad turn later on?"

"It is as you've seen, Shirasagi-san."

"I'm not sure what is it that you think I've seen. From what I _can_ see, Hina-chan has loved you and continues to love you dearly."

Chisato's words carried no steel, but they stung nonetheless. The guilt hit Sayo anew. "I know. If only Hina weren't so indulgent with me, it would make it easier to hate her."

"So you realize your hate has no reason behind it?"

It was a rhetorical question. Chisato continued without waiting for an answer.

"I do not mean to condemn you, Sayo-chan. I do realize I am already overstepping when I am saying this, and honestly, this is not really in my character. If this were the me from when PasuPare was first formed, I wouldn't have involved myself like this. But I suppose you can say the other members, including Hina-chan, has changed me, and I feel some responsibility to do something for her in return."

"For Hina?"

"Correct me if I am wrong, but I get the sense that though Sayo-chan is a hard worker, there are some doubts in you that hard work alone is enough?"

As much as Sayo wanted to refute Chisato, she couldn't. In everything she had ever done, she worked far harder than Hina, only to be easily surpassed in a fraction of the time she had spent trying to master the art. Though Sayo might always say that hard work was everything, she sure didn't truly believe it. She loathed the futility of it all, but a small part of her had already conceded to such reality. That was why she was always running away from the challenge, from Hina.

"And I haphazard a guess that Shirasagi-san thinks the same?"

"Indeed. How hard you work hardly ever matters. It's all about money, connections, and sheer luck. If you position yourself in a situation where you are dependent on hard work alone, you are destined for failure. So, I told myself I would never take that path. I thought I was being smart, but the more I think about it, I was just being a coward, right?"

"A coward?" Sayo's expression softened. "If Shirasagi-san considers herself one, then that makes for the two of us."

"It's easy to run away and take the shorter path, even if that path requires you to compromise with lesser victories while throwing away the bigger dreams. For me, I thought I had been satisfied just saving my career, no matter what methods I had to use, but before I realized, I had already forgotten the reason why I was so desperate to keep working this job. My desire for the limelight had grown so hollow that I felt no real joy in continuing. It was until I witnessed Aya and the others' convictions that I found it was not necessarily the end goal that brought us joy, but the process of working towards it. In just holding true your dreams, true to yourself, there is already happiness, no matter what that final outcome may turn out to be."

"My dreams, huh?"

What were Sayo's dreams. To beat Hina? And for what? It wasn't as though she had intended to brag even if that really ended up happening.

If she dug through her memories deep enough, she would remember the first time she had "lost" to Hina, and the reason for that frustration.

Of course, it was frustrating just having been defeated. Frustrating that family and friends no longer looked at her for excellency. Even when she excelled, she would always be the "lesser" sister.

But what actually mattered more to her was the fear that Hina would no longer need her. Her very first strive, the first reason for her conviction to work hard at anything, hadn't been to be praised by the others, but to be useful to the sister she loved. She didn't even remember since when had this genuine love twisted into jealousy and hatred. The stronger her fear of becoming useless and replaceable had grown, the more cowardly she had become. At some point, she had given up on the dream of being Hina's strong, loving sister in pathetic self-preservation, telling herself she was satisfied so long as she was left alone.

It had never been what she had wanted.

"Coming back to what I was saying earlier, I think hate stems from fear. We fear what we cannot handle, and because we have no control over whatever this person or thing may be, hate is the only reaction we can come up with. But because hate is such an unreasonable emotion, it is also fragile. I once thought I hated Aya-chan and the others. I could not share their optimism, and deep down, perhaps I was also afraid that their emotional strength would propel them towards success while leaving me behind to fall. But once I understood how irrational that hatred had been, it just broke apart. If I were to guess, it would be the same with you, Sayo-chan. I don't think you ever truly hated Hina-chan. If there were anyone you really hated, it would be yourself, right?"

It was so very true that Sayo could just nod. "Yes. Shirasagi-san is rather perceptive it seems."

"Not as much as Hina-chan is, at least where you are concerned. Of course, Hina-chan is a kind girl, but I do not think if you truly hated her, she would continue to love you so, simply from the kindness of her heart. So, if you were worried whether it's too late to make amends, I think such worry is unnecessary. Then again, maybe I am just misunderstanding your motivation for today's game. At any rate, the fact that you can play PasuPare's songs to this level is proof that you have been following Hina-chan, and what other reason would this be other than that you care for her? Hina-chan must've already realized this. If you would excuse me for being meddlesome one last time, I would suggest simply being more honest with your feelings for her. Reminiscing the past and doing things that you two have once enjoyed is wonderful, but we live in the present, for the future. Isn't it more important to let her know how you feel now, so that you can one day walk forward together?"

It was a thoughtful suggestion, one that took Sayo a moment to digest. In the end, her intense contemplation broke to a gentle smile.

"Shirasagi-san is not meddlesome. I am thankful for your advice."

* * *

 

The wigs were off. Sayo had asked Hina to come to her room so they could exchange uniforms and guitars again at the end of the day. Hina wished that this game could last a little longer, but she knew not to push her luck. Even good things could turn bad in excess. For now, she was contented to have lived a day of her beloved Oneechan's life.

When Hina entered the room, Sayo was at her desk, studying. Hina half-expected Sayo to ignore her a few minutes, then proceed to complain about just how horribly the day went, but instead, Sayo quickly put down the book she had been reading and addressed her with a gentle expression.

"So, did you have fun today, Hina?"

"Un!" Hina nodded fervently. "It was super ruun~"

"Did anybody other than Shirasagi-san figure out that you had been impersonating me?"

"Ah, Chisato-chan told you about what happened in the morning?" Hina shrugged. "Well, Yukina-chan and Lisa-chi figured it out and outed me to the rest of Roselia."

Sayo sighed. "I bet you didn't even put any effort into upholding the disguise…"

"Effort? What's that? Is it delicious?" Hina laughed as though in her own little world. "But ya know, ya know, it was boooooooat loads of fun just watching their expressions! Like when I played on Rinko-chan's keyboards, everybody looked as though their eyes were gonna drop out of their sockets! Ahahahaha!"

Sayo's gaze turned a little wistful. "That's because you were so amazing that they couldn't take their eyes off you…"

"Oh, is that so? But Yukina-chan was criticizing me a looooooot today."

"Minato-san was?"

Hina nodded a couple times again. "She was like…" Hina pouted as though mimicking Yukina's displeased expression. " _Hina, your sound needs to be more precise. I cannot sing to such a whimsical melody._ "

The siblings shared chuckles, something they hadn't done for a very long time. Sayo was the first to speak again.

"And you didn't get mad at Minato-san?"

Hina looked genuinely confused. "Eh? Why would I do that?"

"You almost never get criticized though. Weren't you the least bit upset?"

"Of course not! It was the beeeeeeeeeeeest!"

"Ha?"

"Yukina-chan was soooooooooo interesting! She was so focused on the little, teeny, weeny things like getting that chord down right to the microsecond. I couldn't understand why she'd be so concerned about things like that…I mean, it isn't as though the audience would notice anyway. But the more I didn't understand, the more I wanted to understand, and it was so wonderful just thinking and thinking about it!"

Sayo almost felt sorry for Yukina. "That is just like you, Hina. I hope you weren't too much of a bother to Minato-san and the others."

"Ahaha~ But don't you worry, Oneechan, Yukina-chan thanked me in the end. She couldn't have been too angry!"

"I hope she wasn't just saying it out of politeness…" Then again, the Minato-san she knew usually didn't care enough about being polite if she were truly upset.

There was a pause in their conversation before Hina's eyes lighted up again with a new curiosity. "So, what happened with Oneechan today? How was practice with PasuPare?"

"It was…" Sayo face flushed with embarrassment. Usually, she would choose to lie and complain about how much she hated the ordeal at this point, but remembering Chisato's words, she chose otherwise. "It was fun, actually."

"Oh? I thought Oneechan isn't really into idol music though."

"I am not. But…" Sayo hesitated, face flushing even brighter. It was hard putting her true feelings to words, but she had to try at least. "…it was nice nonetheless. Actually, I have always liked your songs, Hina. Especially _SURVIVOR Never Give Up_. There are many times when I feel like giving up, in guitar and otherwise. It's not so easy for me to pick up new skills, and I quickly encounter barriers that impede my success. Hearing that song cheers me up and makes me believe in myself again."

"Oneechan…" Hina reached out to hug her sister, and for once, Sayo didn't retract from the embrace. "Thank you for telling me this, Oneechan."

"And thank _you_ for listening."

When they finally released each other, Sayo reached for Hina's guitar and handed it to her. "Here. Thanks for letting me use it today."

Hina exchanged the guitar with Sayo's. "So, did Oneechan find her own sound today?"

"I don't think it happens quite so easily, right?"

"Sorry…I don't really understand, but if that's what you say, I'll believe you!"

Sayo mused that Hina's words might just be getting a little gentler lately. As a concerned older sister, she couldn't help by smile in relief.

"I didn't find my sound yet, but I think today's experience have brought me a little closer. Playing on your guitar, playing your songs, made me produce a melody that I never thought I was capable. It wasn't quite the sound I am looking for I suppose, but the feeling I had today…I know if I keep holding onto it, I'll get there soon enough."

Sayo took her guitar from Hina. Hina watched her with a grin. "Play me something, Oneechan!"

"Like what?"

"That new song. _Determination Symphony_?"

Did Minato-san reveal the song to Hina? Sayo wasn't quite ready to let her hear it though. She hadn't yet mentally prepared herself…it was a little embarrassing…

"I haven't practiced it very much yet though…"

"That's okay. It doesn't have to be perfect. I want to be Oneechan's first audience."

"…alright. I'll try."

Sayo readied her fingers on the frets. She thought back to the day when it rained, and Hina came to get her. She had finally gotten herself to be honest that day, but she had so much to apologize for back then that her words offered little optimism. She hoped that from today onwards, the words she'd use to share her feelings with Hina would instead be bright with anticipation for the future.

_Someday, I will come to stand by your side._

_Even if it's impossible now,_

_I will keep pressing forward._

**Author's Note:**

> Have always wanted to write a Hikawa siblings fic since the Autumn Rain event, but haven't gotten to it until now. I think Chisato sort of stole the spotlight by the halfway point though; somewhat unexpected, but I had a lot of fun writing her. I think I made Hina a little too clueless, although I'm not entirely convinced she actually cares about whether people recognize her when she's pretending to be Sayo. The whole point of her playing this game is to do something she has once done with Sayo when they were younger, and she probably also thinks everybody's bewilderment to be very interesting. 
> 
> Anyway, this was my first time posting on AO3. Thanks for reading! This fic is also cross-posted on FFN.


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